[Marvin's] World of Deadheads Read online

  “Whew. Well, that’s a relief.”

  “I’d suggest you might want to check back in,” she checked her watch, “it’s ten-thirty now… I’d say perhaps one o’clock or so?”

  “Thank you, Mrs McClaskey. I appreciate you telling me.” David turned to go.

  “Oh, David. If you care to leave a phone number. I know you young people all carry those cell phones nowadays. I don’t have one myself, though Jenna keeps after me about it. But, if you leave your number with me, I can call you if I hear anything new. How would that be?”

  “That would be terrific. I’d like that. It’s 914-466-”

  “Oh, good heavens, wait! I’m afraid this old brain wouldn’t remember the number for longer than it would take to go back inside! Give me just a moment and I’ll get a pen and paper for you to write it on.”

  While Colleen and David were having their discussion in the hallway of the condominium, JoAnne laughed with Jenna in the hospital room. Marvin leaned against the window sill, interjecting comments they couldn’t hear.

  “See what happens when you try to play with the big boys?” JoAnne teased.

  “Oh, don’t. It hurts when I laugh.”

  “I’m sorry, but Larry getting smacked in the ass with a golf ball… I like the visual of that. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

  “Yeah it got me all warm and fuzzy too,” Marvin offered. “Too bad it was in the ass instead of the nuts.”

  Jenna giggled again. “It was kind of funny. But I know it hurt like hell. He limped around muttering all kinds of threats to sue.”

  “Ah, yes… Lawyers love to do that. But it does my heart good once in a while to find out there’s a human being inside. As long as they bleed, we know it’s true.”

  The door swung open. “Ms. Wilson? The doctor has signed your release. Do you need me to help you get up and get dressed?”

  Jenna and JoAnne looked at the young nurse, exchanged a glance, and they both broke out into laughter.

  A confused look spread across the man’s face. “What? What did I miss?”

  “Nothing. Really. I think I can get myself dressed.”

  “She’d rather have you help her get undressed.”

  “JoAnne!”

  Marvin laughed along with them. “And you talk about guys being trashy?”

  “Well, it’s true, isn’t it! Sorry,” Jo looked to the nurse’s name tag, “is it Dick?” and she fought back a fresh torrent of laughs, “but I call a spade a spade. It’s just the way I am.”

  The nurse took the joke in stride. He cleared his throat, “Well, maybe we could arrange that some time. Let me know when you’re ready.” He winked and went out the door. When peals of laughter reached his ears, he realized what that must’ve sounded like, popped a blushed face back in, laughing. “I meant let me know when you’re ready to leave. I’ll bring a wheelchair. I’m not allowed to let you walk.”

  “Sure thing, thanks.” When the door closed behind him, Jenna moved to get off the bed. “Ow… Damn.”

  “What, knowing you can’t have that cute little ass of his make your head hurt?”

  “Hey! Never mind that ass. You’ve got enough cute little ass right here.” Marv slapped his own butt. “It’ll be yours for the taking — soon!”

  Jen grit her teeth against the throb in her head, but laughed. “This is a headache from hell.”

  It took a while but with JoAnne’s help she finally pushed the call button to summon the nurse.

  “Okay. Are you ready to go for a ride?” Dick asked as he pushed through the door. He broke into a wide smile when the women started to laugh. “I can see I need to watch every little thing I say around you two.”

  “This one,” Marvin pointed to JoAnne and chuckled, “especially. I think she’s a bad influence.”

  JoAnne landed a playful slap on the nurse’s backside. “Oh, don’t spoil our fun.”

  “See? What’d I tell you?” Marvin told the nurse. “Though I have to admit, she seems to be getting Jenna back to her normal feisty self and the land of the living, though she won’t be staying there for long.”

  The nurse helped Jenna into the chair and handed her a clipboard. “Here’s the last form you’ll have to sign.” When she handed it back, he pulled her copy, placed it into a folder and handed it to her. “These are all yours. Ready?”

  “Ready.”

  Marvin followed the threesome out to the front of the hospital, where Jenna and the nurse waited for JoAnne to bring her car up from the visitor’s lot. The nurse helped Jen into the front seat, closed the door and waved as JoAnne pulled away. Marvin sat in the back, listened to the women chatter, and watched the scenery go by.

  Once JoAnne had Jenna settled in Marvin’s old chair, she heard a light tap on the door. “Jen, someone’s knocking. Do you feel like company, or should I tell them to go away?”

  “See who it is first.”

  “It’s the old busybody across the hall, is who it is.” Marv told them.

  JoAnne opened the door to find Mrs. McClaskey standing there. “Yes?”

  “I don’t mean to be a bother, I’m just checking to see how my girl is doing.”

  “Colleen! Come on in. Jo? I’ll see you in the morning.”

  JoAnne let the old woman in and yelled back as she started to close the door. “Oh, no you won’t! You aren’t going in tomorrow.”

  “Now, how did you know that?” Marv asked.

  “Jo! Stop it. I’ll be fine by then.”

  Marv laughed. “Mmmm, I wouldn’t be too quick to make that assumption, kiddo.”

  “Bullshit. Stay home. If you show up, I’m kicking your ass right back out.” Jo closed the door to avoid further argument.

  “Oh, dear. She certainly is colorful, isn’t she?”

  “Ha. What’s the old saying? ‘You ain’t heard nothin’ yet.” Jenna smiled. “But she grows on you. How are you, Colleen?”

  “I’m doing better than you it would seem. Can I get you anything?”

  “Thank you, but no. I’m just going to sit here and take it easy for the rest of the day.”

  “That sounds like an excellent plan.”

  “Sit down, make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink? I’m afraid I don’t have any tea to make, but —” Jenna tried to stand up and grabbed the side of her head.

  “No, now just sit. I didn’t come to be a nuisance. I simply wanted to make sure you were all right and to let you know if you need anything I’m right across the hall.”

  “That’s nice. Thank you.”

  “All right then. I’ll check in on you later.” Colleen walked to the front door and opened it. “Oh, where is my brain? I almost forgot to tell you. There was a young man here this morning.”

  Marvin looked over at Jenna. “A man? How many guys are you stringing along already?”

  Jenna pulled in air in a slight gasp. “David! Oh, geez. I forgot about David.”

  “He wrote his number down for me. Would you like me to call him and tell him you’re home?”

  “No, it’s all right. I’ll call him. I’m sure he’s really mad I stood him up.”

  Colleen took a few steps back into the room. “Not at all, dear. I told him what happened. That’s okay isn’t it? I thought since he’s family, of a sort anyway…”

  “It’s fine.”

  “He said you two had a date planned?”

  Marvin snickered. “A date? With him, or Ma? Ha! It may as well be both.”

  “Mmm. Not really a date, date. He’s not… well, to be honest, he may be Marvin’s brother, but he’s not my type. He’s too… um, he’s manipulated too easily. Marvin never let his mother push him around. Hell, Marv never let anyone push him around. David seems much too eager to please his mama for my taste.”

  “But this schmuck, Larry, is your ‘taste’? Come on, Jen, get serious.”

  Colleen waved a hand. “No, now it’s really none of my business. I’ll talk to you later. Call me if you need anything.”


  Jenna called out “Promise!” and the door closed.

  “So if my brother isn’t your type, what’s so special about this creep from the office?”

  Jenna leaned her head back with a sigh and closed her eyes and mumbled. “God, I feel grungy. I really need a shower and to wash the blood out of my hair. Damn, my head hurts.”

  “I could make the headache disappear.”

  “What a crock. Things finally start to get on track and wham!”

  “Trust me, I know how you feel. That bus did me no favors, you know.” Marvin sat next to her on the floor at her feet.

  “Shit. I guess I better call David.” But her hand didn’t reach for the phone.

  “It really is all Ma, you know. She wants her only kid married now. She wants grandkids. The sooner the better. And if it’s you he marries, in her mind anyway, the insurance money comes back into the family and she would consider that a big plus.”

  “Why did I even agree to see him?” She let out a big sigh. “I just don’t have the energy to deal with that right now. If he gets pissed, he gets pissed, isn’t that what you’d always say, Marv?”

  “I would indeed.”

  “It’s one of the things I miss about you, you know? Take no prisoners, take no shit. Well… I promise I’ll call him later…” and she drifted off to sleep.

  “I wouldn’t make any long range plans, if I were you. Hell, if I were you, I wouldn’t make any short range plans!” After he heard Jenna’s light, rhythmic breathing, he left for the hotel with the seed of an idea.

  -39-

  “Okay, now, just like we planned it, right,” Marvin said when they walked into the building and headed up the stairs to his condo. “We wait for her to go into the bathroom to shower.”

  “Right on, dude!”

  “I wonder if the meds they sent her home with have worn off yet. She might be right where I left her.”

  “Where was that, Brody?”

  “Sleeping in my chair — the one she badgered me to get rid of. Now she’s in it all the time. Go figure. The only time I get to sit in that chair is when she’s in bed.”

  In the living room, Tommy stated the obvious. “She’s not here, dude.”

  Marvin went to stick his head into the bedroom. “Go check the balcony, Mike.”

  A few seconds later Mike hollered from the kitchen. “Nope!”

  “She’s not in bed either. Where the hell could she have gone?”

  “Maybe to the old lady’s place? It is around dinner time,” Mike passed the thought as a possibility, then mused to himself, “A little late for my tastes, but…”

  Tommy popped across the hall and stuck his head through Mrs. McClaskey’s door. He gawked around and cocked an ear, then yelled out as he made his way back, “Nope. Not there.”

  “Jesus H. Christ. Now what?”

  “Hey, she’s your lady, Marvin. It’s your gig, dude. You tell us.”

  “Bathroom?” Mike pointed in the general direction.

  “I don’t think so, but…” Marvin left the room and a second later Mike and Tommy heard him say “Bingo!”

  “So,” Tommy sat on the couch, “we wait. It would just be too cruel. You know what I always thought would be one of the coldest things that could ever happen to a dude?”

  Mike took a guess. “Dying on the toilet? I’m sure it’s happened to somebody at some point or another.”

  “No.” Tommy shook his head. “Well, sorta. I don’t remember ever seeing a scene in a film where that happens — you know a guy getting shot while on the commode. But I read a scene in a Stephen King novel once where this guy is sitting there straining and groaning in pain, when all of a sudden an alien thing chews out of him through —”

  “Whoa! Stop right there. Spare us the details on that one,” Marvin hollered on his way back out of the bathroom.

  “Sorry Marv, I didn’t know you had such delicate sensibilities,” Tommy laughed at him. “Anyway, can you imagine this? You’re standing at a urinal with your willy in your hand, minding your own business as it were and someone attacks you from behind. The ultimate cruelty.”

  Mike plopped to the floor and stretched out. “Oh, thanks, Tommy, I needed that visual. I swear, I’m not taking you to any more movies. Your brain is fertile enough.”

  Marv stood in the doorway to the bedroom. “Are you done discussing such disgusting things?”

  Tommy nodded. “Why?”

  Marv hooked a thumb in the direction of the bathroom. “She’s in there.”

  “Really?” Tommy sprang up from the couch and headed toward the bathroom.

  “Whoa!” Marvin put his hands against Tommy’s chest. They sunk half way through before Tommy stopped. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “To the bathroom, where else?”

  “Oh, no you’re not. What’re you crazy?”

  “How else do you suggest we get this accomplished?”

  “Tommy, what Marv is trying to say is, she’s naked.”

  “Oh.” Tommy looked at Marvin. “Not sitting in a bubble-bath, huh?”

  “Did I say she was in the tub, ya schmuck!” Marv glanced at Mike who had gotten up from the floor. “Just cool your engines for a while. God! It feels good to sit in this chair.”

  Tommy reclined on the couch and Mike went back to the floor.

  “How long do we wait, Brody?”

  “Depends. We’ll know when she turns the shower on.” Marvin reached through the side of the table next to his chair. He unscrewed the cap to the new bottle of scotch he’d stashed and took a swig. “Anybody want a drink?” Two hands waved the question off. “Suit yourselves.” When he heard the water come on in the shower, he took another hit, put the cap on and stashed the bottle. “See? What’d I tell you? Okay boys, here we go. Get ready for some fireworks.”

  Marvin went into the bathroom to find the hair dryer and curling iron set out, plugged in and ready to go just as he’d expected. He found it interesting how people’s daily routines never altered; day in, day out, some things became habits and got accomplished without actively engaging the brain. He picked up the hair dryer and steadied himself. He didn’t know what to expect, being dead and all, and took the time to look down to study his stance making sure his feet were firmly planted.

  Jenna tilted her head back under the spray, eyes closed, water cascading through her hair, and rinsed out the shampoo. She moved a step toward the back of the shower stall and pressed the pump to dispense shower gel into her palm. Marvin chose that moment to turn his head away, shove his arm through the frosted glass door and turn on the blower. Water rained into the appliance and jolts of electricity shot up his arm. He yanked it back out as his body began a bizarre dance. He yelled and swore trying to shake loose from the hair dryer, but his hand wouldn’t open to let go.

  Tommy and Mike, who’d both lagged behind, ran toward the commotion. Mike stopped short of bumping into Marvin and stood stunned.

  Tommy looked at the hair on top of Marvin’s head as it waved in the air. Through his laughter he said, “Pull the plug… Mike! Pull the plug!”

  “Holy shit! Brody, are you okay?”

  Marvin’s body stopped moving but he still felt vibrations pinging off the nerve endings. He dropped the dryer to the floor and tried to shake the numbness from his arm. “Holy mother of God!”

  Jenna jumped at the sound of the dryer hitting the tiled floor and turned toward the frosted glass door. She hugged her breasts and let out a meek “Hello? Is anybody there?”

  Mike grabbed the dryer and put it on the counter.

  “Hello? Colleen… Mrs. McClaskey?”

  “Quick, plug it back in, Mike. I don’t think I can move yet.”

  In the instant Mike’s hand came off the plug, the shower door opened a small crack.

  Jenna peered out. “Is somebody in here?” She opened the door wider and stuck her head around the edge to look toward the bedroom. “Who’s there?”

  Mike and Marvin froze in pl
ace like two kids caught peeking in a window at a naked lady and Tommy’s laugh threatened to turn into a fit of giggles. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you should see yourselves. You’re hysterical. Two deer caught in headlights. And Marv, your hair. Oh, geez…You should see your hair! It’s smoking. I swear to —”

  “I’m glad you find us so amusing, ya schmuck. Move! Go!” Marvin started to push through him.

  “Ahh, dude! No need to shove like that.” Tommy walked directly through the wall to the living room where he waited for the other two to stop stumbling around.

  Jenna turned the water off, grabbed her towel to step out of the stall and noticed her hair dryer smoldering, wisps of smoke rising from the end like a smoking gun. “Well, shit. Goddammit.” She looked at herself in the mirror. “What a weekend. It just did not turn out the way you’d planned, did it?”

  Marvin turned to her. “It certainly didn’t.”

  “Well… It sure as hell can’t get any worse.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. Of course, it all depends on your point of view, now doesn’t it?”

  Jenna carefully pulled the plug from the outlet, dried off, wrapped her head in the towel and, still nursing a headache, reclined on the bed.

  In the living room, Tommy had almost contained his laughter when Marvin appeared and set him off again. “Dude… That’s funny. You need to tame your mane; hair is sticking up like you stuck your finger in a light socket!”

  In a fit of anger, Marv balled a hand into a fist.

  “Brody, don’t you dare!”

  “Come on, dude. Look at yourself. You gotta admit, you’re a sight.” Tommy pushed him toward the entryway mirror.

  The corners of Marv’s mouth quivered, then turned into a smile. The smile turned into a chuckle and slowly built into a full-on belly laugh. He went to smooth his hair back into place and stopped when he caught sight of the fingers of his right hand; the one he’d held the dryer with. The nails were slightly charred, as if he’d held them over a fire for too long. He pushed his hand toward Tommy. “Holy crap, how long will it take for this to wear off?”

  “Eh, it’s no biggie; a couple days.”