[Marvin's] World of Deadheads Read online

  “Shit. He’s usually gone a couple hours for lunch. Christine always made it a point to beat him back here. Now what?”

  “I think we have a Bingo, Brody. Look there.” Mike leaned over the front of the massive desk and pointed to a form sitting to Crowley’s right.

  “Now how do we distract him?”

  Mike held a finger in the air, then walked back to Christine’s office where Tommy had just completed scribbling a login and password on a pad of sticky-paper.

  “Tommy! We’ve got it. We need to distract Crowley so we can swipe the papers. What’s the extension number on her phone?”

  Tommy leaned over the girl’s shoulder. “Um, 231.”

  Christine felt a tickle of air on her ear and brushed at it.

  “Thanks. Now all I need is to find someone — Aha! Tommy, hand me that memo pad from the table back there. And the pen you have.”

  When the pad Tommy had written on flopped to the desk near her right elbow, Christine gave out a yelp pushing her chair away from the desk and looked frantically around the room. “What the hell?”

  “Oops. Sorry. Here ya go, Mike.”

  Mike took a second to glare at him, then looked down the row of offices and scribbled a rapid message. Handing the pad and pen back and turning to leave he said, “And Tommy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t put it down where she’ll see it appear like some fairy godmother just made a deposit!”

  “Mike… Man, I said I was sorry,” Tommy said to the empty doorway.

  Within a few minutes Mike was back after he dropped a note on a clerk’s desk. “Now what?” Tommy asked him.

  Mike stood with an index finger poised in the air. When he sensed the timing was right he pointed at the phone. An instant later, it rang.

  “Yeah,” Christine barked into the phone before it got to her ear. She listened for a minute, then said, “I don’t need to see that. Just send it to him… Yeah, okay… Fine. Just a minute.” She hung up the phone. When she walked to the door of her office she went right through Mike and stopped short. She shivered as if a draft of chilled air conditioning had blasted over her. She shook her head slightly and walked away.

  “I love it when they do that,” Tommy laughed.

  “Now we push the intercom button for Crowley,” Mike told him. The indicator light next to Crowley’s name lit up. “And we wait.”

  “Yeah?” Crowley waited for a response. “Christine? Christine! What the fuck?” He disconnected. Just as Christine approached the door to her office, Mike pushed the button again. “Yeah! What?!”

  “Sir?”

  “You called me.”

  “No sir, I didn’t.”

  “Yes you did.”

  “There must be something wrong with the system then, Mr. Crowley, because I didn’t call.”

  With that Crowley, who hated interruptions, especially by the endless stream of inept, stupid secretaries the idiots in Human Resources kept hiring for him, slammed a finger on the button to disconnect, rose from his chair and strode out of his office. As he did so, Marvin grabbed the forms off the desk with a twinge of guilt and sorrow for the ass-chewing the poor secretary was about to get, and followed him out the door.

  “Now all I do is cut out the line where I put my father in, make a clean copy, print in Jenna’s name and social and put it back on his desk.”

  “Hey Marvin, don’t we need to forge your mom and dad’s signatures? Mike and I can do it.”

  “Nah. That’s only if I’d filled out a change form.”

  Mike and Tommy stood beaming at their ingenious success.

  Though Marvin didn’t mess with any of the computer files as he’d considered doing earlier for fun and havoc, he did enjoy the copier room: employees wondering why the copier had left sleep mode, spitting out paper. One intern did a real double-take while passing by. He stood in stunned silence as he watched one of the cupboard doors suddenly appear open and the scissors disappear from his vision, then reappear on the countertop. Goosebumps spread over him. When the scissors vanished a second time, reappearing on the shelf of the cupboard his privates shriveled. He ran for the men’s room in terror, praying he’d make it before his bowels ruined the suit he’d just purchased.

  Just as Marvin wondered aloud and asked about what shenanigans they’d have to go through to put the altered form back, Crowley walked through Tommy on his way down the hall without missing a step.

  “Huh, how do you like that,” Tommy said. “He didn’t even flinch. It’s like he didn’t feel it.”

  “That self-important bastard? He has no feelings,” Marvin told him. “I don’t think he’d feel a hand pulling on his pud if someone told him it was there.”

  Mike and Tommy laughed and followed Marvin back to Crowley’s office, where he laid the form on the desk with a sigh. “When my mother hears about this, especially after they paid for the funeral, she’s gonna kill Jen.”

  -13-

  “Look, Jen, I’m sorry. We’re all… you know, sad that you lost Marvin. But you’ve already used more than the company allows for a death in the family,” JoAnne said as mildly as she could muster. After all, her own supervisor was putting pressure on her.

  “Jo, I’m sorry,” Jen sniffled. “I’m trying. I really am.”

  “I know. But you’re going to have to try a little harder here. Since you two weren’t married, the firm has already been more than generous in even allowing you the same benefit. And your vacation balance is in the red.”

  Jenna started crying again. “I know. Look, it’s not just that he died, you know? I’m having to deal with the banks and mortgage, and all that stuff too.”

  “Jen,” JoAnne started in a firmer tone, “we all understand that. But — and I don’t mean to sound like a total bitch here — you’re just going to have to come back to work. Things are piling up and everyone is swamped. We need you here.”

  “I can’t sit there blubbering. It’ll — ”

  “We know you’ll have your moments, okay? We get that. Just tell me right now you’ll be in on Monday morning.”

  “…Okay.”

  “Promise me.”

  “Promise.”

  “Good. Thank you. Now, try to spend the weekend gearing up for it and I’ll see you then.” JoAnne hung up before Jenna could respond.

  Jenna put the phone back into its charging base, flipped the bird at the silent receiver and said, “Gear this up!” and cried for almost an hour. It probably would’ve been longer if Mrs. McClaskey hadn’t rapped softly on her door and invited her to go out for dinner. ‘My treat, dear.’ she’d said and Jenna thought she couldn’t refuse such a sweet old lady.

  On Monday morning, Marvin watched Jenna slap the snooze button on the alarm too many times. He looked around the room for something, anything he could use to rouse her from her mourning. He thought he could throw something at her, but he was afraid it would scare the shit out of her and then, even though he’d arranged for the insurance to come to her, she’d be tempted to sell the place. Then where would he be? His brain finally kicked in when his eyes landed on the alarm. Just in case she might actually be awake, he double checked to make sure Jenna faced away from the clock so it wouldn’t vanish from her vision, picked it up, moved the time two hours ahead, reset the alarm for a minute later and waited.

  Jenna reached for the alarm when it buzzed, thinking five more minutes until her eyes focused on the time. “Holy fuck-a-duck!” She jumped out of bed, showered and dressed faster than she’d done anything before in her life. She stopped at the mirror in the hallway to put on her makeup and glanced at her watch. “Shit! If I don’t go I’ll miss the bus and have to wait another fifteen minutes.”

  Marvin watched her race out and head down the hallway. As the door slammed closed through him, his head and shoulders poked through the wood. When she ran down the stairs, he pulled his head back into the apartment. That’s when he saw her keys lying on the table under the mirror. He grabbed them, yelling
for her to stop, but of course she didn’t hear him. He chased after her and saw her trip over a toy left in the foyer by one of the kids who lived in the building. She uttered a quick vulgarity and continued on her way. Marvin sprinted behind her as she made her way down to the next block just in time to jump into the northbound bus to her office.

  “I might as well save my energy, there’s no way I’ll catch up now. Eh, maybe after coffee at Epstein’s I can take a trip to her office and slip them into her purse.” On the way back into the building he noticed the toy.

  “Goddam kids. How many times have I told those idiots their kids have to stop leaving toys in the hallways? Mrs. What’s-her-name,” he slapped his forehead, “McClaskey? Yeah, that’s right.” He smiled for remembering. “Mrs. McClaskey could fall and break a hip.”

  He grabbed up what turned out to be a Hot Wheels car, a Classic Camaro circa mid-sixties if he was thinking right, and took it up the stairs. He stomped down the hallway, pushed his arm through the door of the unit and tossed the car. A woman screamed and he laughed.

  “Serves ya right. I hope you think the place is haunted and you sell. Dumb ass.”

  After more than an hour of chit-chat at the deli, Marvin drained the last of his third cup of coffee. “I’m gonna head out. I’ll see you two later.”

  “Anything special, Brody?”

  “Nah, not really. Jen left her keys at home this morning. I’m gonna take them to her.”

  “See you later then,” Tommy said, as he headed for the coffee pot. He stopped in his tracks and shouted, “Hey! Hey Marvin!”

  Marvin stopped at the door and waited.

  “Dude, we were thinking, Mike and I, we’re thinking we’d go catch a flick today if you want to join us.”

  “Depends. What film?”

  “Not sure yet, man. Whatever strikes our fancy when we get there.”

  “Eh, maybe. I’ll see how I feel.”

  “Cool. Two o’clock in the lobby.”

  Marv nodded, walked out and hopped on the bus headed toward Jen’s office.

  “You left your keys at home,” he told her in a matter-of-fact tone. She kept on typing away. He looked around for her purse and didn’t see it. Though he’d never heard her say anything about where she stashed it, he thought she must put it in one of the drawers of her desk and waited for his chance to look. He stood patiently and watched the comings and goings of the office, a run-of-the-mill personal injury law firm where they banked on quick, out-of-court settlements and usually realized more than the victim once fees and expenses were deducted from the compensation.

  He yawned and glanced at the time on the menu bar of her computer and realized he’d been there for almost an hour. “Dammit, come on. My God! you’re always so damned focused! I don’t know how you do it. Don’t you ever have to go take a leak? Get up, get out. Go…make a copy or something.”

  Jen typed away.

  “Oh, by the way, I saw you trip over that toy. Don’t worry, I took care of it so you won’t trip again when you get home tonight. Those stupid kids…stupid parents. You know one of these days somebody’s going to fall and get hurt. Maybe your firm could get the lawsuit. And, Jesus H., think about it, if poor old Mrs. McClaskey fell, she could break a hip. You know a lot of old people die after breaking a hip. I shit you not, if those kids don’t knock it off, somebody’s going to get killed.”

  Jenna pushed the save icon, rose from her chair and walked out, to finally go pee Marvin presumed. He sighed with relief. “It’s about time.”

  As soon as she was out of earshot, he rummaged through her desk drawers until he spotted her purse dumped into the bottom one. He opened it and went to drop the keys in, but he had no idea if she had a special pocket for them. Some women could be absolutely rabid about that shit. Women like his mother for instance, he thought. When he was growing up, she would holler and moan to the point you’d think her life depended on finding whatever it was one of them had borrowed from her. In the end, he just dropped them in the centermost compartment.

  With that mission accomplished, he stopped in the men’s room to rid himself of the morning’s coffee. He flushed, washed and dried his hands, all the while being highly entertained by the smart-ass lawyer, in his three-thousand dollar suit, who stood gaping with his fly open as the urinal flushed, the water in the sink turned on and off, and the air dryer turned on by itself. Marv chuckled and headed to meet Mike and Tommy at the movie theater.

  -14-

  Marvin, Mike, and Tommy sat enjoying the hot corned beef sandwiches Tommy had made. Tommy liked being in the deli after hours. Sometimes, when the customers had all gone, the live ones anyway, and the staff had finished cleaning and left for the night, he would enjoy heating up the grill and being a short-order cook again. Or, on the occasional Sunday morning, when the restaurant was closed. But he was careful not to do it too often and never served too many at once. And he always scrubbed the grill and cleaned up before stepping out through the door. He didn’t want the old man who owned the place getting suspicious or thinking anyone on the staff was pilfering product. Moe was a good guy, though he was getting up there in years. Tommy knew the man would never retire and wondered what would happen to the place when the old guy joined them.

  While Marvin continued to spend nights “at home,” as he still considered it, wrapped around Jenna as she slept, it suddenly occurred to him that Mike was from somewhere in the New England area and decided to ask why he was still hanging around Dayton. “Where are you living?” Marvin asked, though it still bugged him to use the word when they all knew they weren’t living anywhere.

  “Oh, I stay in the penthouse suite at the Hilton. I figure it’s empty, why not?”

  “Cool. Hey Marvin, you think maybe I should dump the apartment and that tired old lady who’s living there and follow suit?”

  “Tommy, do whatever makes you happy. Me? I’m staying put. Right where I am, nice and close where I can keep an eye on her.”

  “Brody, don’t you think…I mean, what happens when she moves on with her life?” Mike stuffed another French fry into his mouth.

  “Yeah, dude. What happens when she brings a guy home?”

  Marvin stared at Tommy, drilling holes right through his forehead. Mike, sitting next to Tommy, elbowed him hard.

  “What? I’m just askin’ man. It’s only natural. You know it’s gonna happen someday. Dude, you can’t change the rotation of the earth.”

  Marvin decided he would change the rotation of Tommy’s head if he didn’t shut up about it. The last thing he wanted to imagine was some other guy in his, well, what he still thought of as his, bed — or his anything else for that matter. Especially his anything else. So, he took another bite of his sandwich and changed the subject. “What’s it like, Mike? Living up there. Does anyone ever bother you?”

  “Nah. The maids come in and spread the dust around once in a while. That’s about it. It’s cool though. Big LED television, nice stereo.”

  “Shit, all the old lady has is a tiny color TV that’s probably as old as she is. She leaves that thing on all night. Between that and her snoring,” Tommy complained, shaking his head. “Drives me batty.”

  “Well, come stay with me sometime,” Mike offered. “We’ll watch some movies on Pay-per-View and you can bunk down in the other bedroom.”

  “Pay-per-View?” Marvin looked at him. “How do you pay for it? I mean, it’s not like you’re a paying guest.”

  “Ah, screw ‘em. Let them figure it out. Actually, it’s kinda fun watching the manager pull his hair out when he sees movies charged to an unrented suite. At first he blamed the night staff. Accused them of going up and using the room and shit.”

  “What changed his mind?”

  “The hallway security cameras,” Mike laughed. “He reviewed the tapes from a few nights and didn’t see a soul coming or going. Hmm, imagine that. Oh! One time I was in taking a shower when one of the maids showed up. You should’ve seen the look on her face when she sa
w the water being splashed around with no one under the spray. Hilarious!”

  “It is so much fun to dick with people. Did she run off?” Tommy was enjoying the mental image that cropped up.

  “No. That was the funny part. She just turned it off and went out to the living room area. When I turned it back on to rinse off, she came back with a strange look on her face. She crossed herself — guess she’s Catholic or something — and ran for the hills. I had turned it off and was lying on the bed by the time the maintenance guy showed up. He looked into the bathroom, mumbled something about ditzy broads and left.”

  Tommy got up and paused. “You guys want anything else? Refill on drinks?”

  “I’m good. Thanks though, Tommy. This was a real treat.”

  Marvin gave Mike a smile. “I told you he was a good cook. Hey, yeah Tommy, I could use some more soda.”

  “Comin’ right up.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem, dude,” Tommy told him before turning to the small crowd he’d allowed in that night and raised the volume. “Okay, people, last call! Time to clean it up.”

  To Marvin and Mike’s amazement, a flurry of activity started. Everyone began collecting dirty dishes and busing them to the dishwasher. Ketchup and mustard squeeze bottles were being filled along with salt and pepper shakers.

  Mike and Marvin got up and started to wipe down tables. Tommy noticed them when he brought Marvin’s drink out. “No, no, no. Sit. Let the others do that. Dudes, you two are guests tonight. Our treat, our pleasure.”

  “You sure? It’s no problem, you know. We don’t mind doing our share,” Mike offered.

  Tommy waved a hand at them and went to get place settings for the clean tables. “Absolutely not. You sit and enjoy yourselves. Catch up on old times or somethin’. The place will be put back together in no time.”

  When Tommy was out of earshot, Mike leaned in to Marvin. “Come on Brody, spill it.”

  Marvin tried to put on his innocent what are you talking about face.